Inbox Shenanigans: A Legacy of Sarcasm, Sysadmin-Style

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Some people measure their careers in promotions. I measure mine in passive-aggressive auto-replies and snarky restore requests.

Over two decades of tech support, I’ve accumulated enough sarcastic energy in my Sent folder to power a Dell blade chassis. Here's a curated selection of the best — or worst, depending on your inbox tolerance.

1. Subject: FSRM alert (AGAIN)

“As I mentioned in my previous three emails (and in the documentation you didn't read), this is expected behavior... but let’s all act surprised again.”

When the server pings and the déjà vu hits harder than a Friday firmware patch.

2. Subject: Out of Office: Backups and Banjos

“I’m currently off-grid and off-call. If this is about an emergency restore, I suggest time travel. Otherwise, I’ll respond when civilization resumes.”

Somewhere in the woods, a SAN admin is trying not to think about dedupe ratios.

3. Subject: Dell TechDirect Quote

“Yes, we did this exact config last fiscal year. No, it didn’t come with a unicorn then either.”

Magical thinking meets procurement reality.

4. Subject: FW: Account Lockout Policy

“Our policy remains the same: try 3 times, get locked out, email angrily, wait 20 minutes, then reset your password to ‘Winter2021!’ again.”

It’s not policy. It’s prophecy.

5. Subject: RE: New VLAN Request

“It’s been created. It’s called ‘The Forgotten.’ Try not to forget it this time.”

Sysadmins never forget. But we do name VLANs out of spite.

6. Subject: Out of Office: Unavailable Until Further Clarity Returns

“If you’re reading this, I’m not. If it’s urgent, forward it to someone who makes bad decisions in my absence.”

Delegation is a form of revenge.

7. Subject: Monthly Backup Report (Sunstreaker Edition)

“Success rate remains strong unless measured by optimism or VPN uptime.”

Backups always succeed… in the abstract.

8. Subject: Re: Documentation Request

“Sure, I’ll write that doc right after I finish time-traveling to undo your config changes.”

This is why we can’t have nice topology.

9. Subject: RE: Meeting Reschedule Request

“Rescheduling for the fifth time. At this point, the meeting should be about rescheduling meetings.”

Calendar inception is real, and it is exhausting.

10. Subject: Out of Office: July 4th Week

“I’ve declared independence from email. Expect delays. Possibly fireworks.”

Proof you can celebrate America and still auto-reply with flair.

If I’ve learned anything from decades in IT, it’s that tone matters — and nothing says “I care deeply” like a perfectly executed sarcastic one-liner that lands just below the HR radar.

My friend Sarah

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This week, my friend and co-worker Sarah Sand suddenly passed away. Sarah was an exceptional co-worker and a great human being. Her obituary is here, if you’d like to read it.

Sarah and I didn’t work on many projects together, and she certainly had many closer friends at work, but we spent time together outside of work as well. When our company instituted a new policy that gave us Friday afternoons free in the summer, she was part of a group of friends who would come to my house and eat pizza, play board games, have a couple drinks, and maybe blow off a bit of steam after a week at work. In February, we all decided to get together on a Saturday to play, as we didn’t want to wait for summer to come, and right now I’m really thankful we did that.

Sarah was smart, and she was extremely good at her job. Not just good at the technical work, but personally dedicated to building tools and processes that would help others succeed as well. When I needed help figuring out how to use a new tool she oversaw she was happy to spend half an hour showing me how to do it, with infinite patience in dealing with my gripes. Those qualities served her well when we’d play games together too, she’d often quietly be amassing the points necessary to win a game of Settlers of Catan, while several of us guys would be loudly taunting each other and not seeing her strategy until it was too late to stop her even when we would gang up against her.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that Sarah was universally liked by all of us who worked with her. In IT, where egos and arguments and turf wars can often get in the way of progress, she was always agreeable, patient, and calm. She cared about her work, and one day at my house while waiting for others to arrive, she expressed some very real and raw exasperation at not being able to implement her plans for a work project, and then immediately apologized for it. I told her she had nothing to apologize for and that every one of us has had those moments, but what struck me was that her frustration wasn’t so much about not getting her way but that she felt it would hurt the users of the systems under her care.

Yesterday, while sharing a bit of mourning with a coworker, we both hit upon the same word that described her most of all. Kind. She would have kind words for those around her, every day. She was kind and supportive to complete strangers on the Internet. She had empathy at her core, and as someone who sometimes struggles to find that in myself, she awed me with her innate abilities.

In our February gaming session, I’d cobbled together a bag of random nerdy leftovers from various LootCrate boxes that I didn’t want or need, but thought others might, just to give us something to play for, as the winner of each game could pick something they wanted from the bag. She spied a particular item she wanted to win, a little paper notebook shaped like an original Star Trek communicator. I asked her if she liked it, and she said she really wanted to win it not for herself, but rather to give it to a coworker that she knew would love it.

That was Sarah. She was my friend, and I miss her.

How do you find those fares?

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Most of our friends and family know that we like to travel, and that we don't like spending a ton of money to do so.  The Boarding Area has a great blog post today that explains a little bit about jumping on "mistake fares", and I'd strongly suggest reading it if you're interested in scoring a ticket to an exotic location for less than you'll often pay to fly domestically.

It's important to note that if you're the kind of person who wants to visit a specific city on a specific weekend, or you need a week to "think about it" before booking an international trip, you might as well not even bother.  The keys to scoring these deals are to notice them when they happen (I follow some key Twitter accounts that tend to broadcast them, such as The Flight Deal, which is mentioned in the article) and booking them immediately, often within an hour or two of them being found.  Many of the airlines will let you cancel a fare for free within the first 24 hours, so book the trip first, then ask your boss for the time off!

Often these cheap fares tend to be for travel in the winter or shoulder seasons, but we've found that the lack of crowds often makes up for slightly cooler weather.

Here are a few examples of crazy cheap sales and/or mistake fares that we've flown, all were round trip:

Chicago to London for $221
London to Florence for $16
Chicago to Paris for $250
Chicago to Johannesburg, South Africa for $390
Chicago to Beijing for $528
Minneapolis to Copenhagen for $351

Other Twitter accounts to follow:

Fare Deal Alert

Steal This Trip

AirFare Watchdog (Consider signing up to receive a daily email from their site showing you the fares that are on sale from your home airport as well)

Rest in peace, Grandpa

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My grandfather, Henry Hollis Bokelman, passed away last month following a couple years of poor health.  I lived with him and my grandmother for my last three years of high school, and it was difficult watching someone so robust slide into the infirmity of old age the last couple of years.

Here is his obituary:

“Henry “Hank” Hollis Bokelman, 88 of Ventura, died Monday, June 8, 2015, at Oakwood Care Center in Clear Lake.

A funeral service will be 1:30 p.m. Thursday, June 11, 2015, at Ward-Van Slyke Colonial Chapel, 101 N. 4th St., Clear Lake, with Pastor Scott Kozisek officiating. Burial will be in Clear Lake Cemetery, with military honors provided by the Clear Lake Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 4868. Visitation will be from 5:00-7:00 p.m. Wednesday, June 10, 2015, at Ward-Van Slyke Colonial Chapel.

Hank was born June 18, 1926, the son of Hollis and Vida (Rosenau) Bokelman, in Ventura. He grew up and attended school in Ventura, graduating from Ventura High School. He was united in marriage to Irma Schultz on June 22, 1946 at the Little Brown Church in Nashua. He was a United States Army veteran, stationed at Camp Sykes in Kyongju, Korea. After serving his country, he returned home to Ventura, where he farmed all of his life.

Hank was a member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 5515 in Garner. Besides spending time with his family, Hank enjoyed fishing and hunting. He took many trips to Montana to hunt elk, and a few years ago took a dream trip to Canada to catch the big ones.

Hank is survived by his wife, Irma Bokelman of Ventura; four children, Hank (Ann) Bokelman of Hanlontown, John Bokelman of Ventura, Ruth (James) Conn of Volin, S.D., and Jane (David) Easton of Cedar Falls; seven grandchildren, Seth (Holly) Bokelman, Jessica (Scott) Rosendaul, William Conn, Elizabeth (Mitch) Hessman, Ashley (Lee) Geisinger, Cole Easton, and Tess Easton; and five great-grandchildren, Lela Geisinger, Jax Geisinger, Ella Rosendaul, Ethan Rosendaul, and Dylan Rosendaul.

He was preceded in death by his parents. ”